Life is not fair--and how fair is it that we have to see the lovely Charlotte The Spider die twice in one lifetime? If you remember the original Charlotte's Web animated film from 1973, then you will get a devastating kick out of the modern remake, recreated as a live action movie with animals that actually talk, and voice-dubbed with an impressive all-star cast including such Gods among actors, Oprah Winfrey, John Cleese, Robert Redford, Steve Buscemi and Julia Roberts.

The storyline follows the same concept of the E.B. White book on which the original cartoon was based. Wilbur is a friendly pig who is so innocent and gregarious that he is able to eventually unite a divided barnyard of animals of different species in a spirit of peace and friendship. The first real friend he makes is Charlotte A. Cavatica, a kind-hearted spider that nobody likes until Wilbur finds true beauty in her multiple eyes and plenty of charm in her voice. (And in creepy fashion, Julia gives Charlotte the same world-worn, depressive voice as she brought to her role as Anna in Mike Nichols' Closer) Soon Wilburn discovers that unless a miracle happens, he will be eaten before the winter season begins and that creates the pig-in-crisis conflict. From that point on, Charlotte spins an idea or two that could save Wilbur's life.

At heart the story is a brilliant children's tale. However, the movie does not quite succeed at reaching the same emotional trauma of the original 1973 film. Yes, of course I was traumatized as a child when Charlotte died the first time. This time I think I was expecting the worst and I handled myself much better. The new version forsakes all of the wonderful songs of the first film and replaces those soft melancholic vibes with some flatulence humor and funky new attitudes. (Since when are geese black?) It is interesting on some perversely creative level to hear such distinguished talents reacting to farting and burping--imagine the Farrelly brothers go A-list. Because the movie descends to the children of today, it does somehow disappoint the children of yesterday who remember a little more dignified fable. But it is, of course, a children's film and will sit your kiddies down for a fun two hours before exposing them to Charlotte's tragic death--still an emotional screen death after all these years.

While the cinema formula seems to be: the more monkeys you add to a movie the more the quality descends (see A Night At The Museum), with movies like this, Babe and the brilliant made-for-TV movie Animal Farm, the reverse seems true for pig movies. Why is this so? Perhaps pigs are inquisitive and friendlier by nature, whereas monkeys are just so self-indulgent in their performing. Pigs are aware that they have to impress us, since their storyline fate is always the same if they don't--bacon and sausage for you! Not that I condone threatening pigs so that they will give better performances, but I have noticed when you give pigs too much leeway you end up with films like Gordy. Hitchcock did always say actors are pigs, no? Grade: B

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