There are moments in Dave Meyers new horror flick The Hitcher, that are so absurd and far-fetched that you actually begin to lose sympathy for Grace Andrews and Jim Halsey, the poor young collegiate couple tormented by a mysterious hitchhiker, and start to enjoy the torture of these two fictitious characters who are simply too beautiful and happy to be left alone. The plot of The Hitcher, rewritten from the somewhat respectable 1986 version of the film, begins absurdly, builds up tension with uproariously implausible happenings, and ends with one final act of total destruction--which is hauntingly stupid.

The story begins with Grace and Jim traveling in 1970 Oldsmobile 442, on their way to spring break. When the mysterious and psychotic hitcher (played by Sean Bean) innocently asks for a ride, horrendous and nightmarish events follow, and test the limits of Grace and Jim's sanity--not to mention threaten their lives. Who is this mysterious hitcher? How does he manipulate evil so effortlessly and why does he want this sexy young couple dead? Unfortunately, we never know much more than Grace and Jim do about this mad murderer. The movie effectively pushes xenophobia, but fails to get inside the criminal mind.

Sean Bean gives an adequate performance as the hitchhiking serial killer and seems as if he's game to actually deliver a true character study of "John Ryder". However, the story never lets us get that deep into complexity and instead focuses on good old Southern paranoia. The movie should have concentrated more on John Ryder, uncovering the mystery of his character, as the Hannibal sequels and prequels have done to reasonable acclaim. Instead we mindlessly fear John Ryder, simply because this ghost exists, and inexplicably threatens a young couple that is supposedly innocent and fit-to-live. Of course, they did commit the unforgivable cinema sin of being beautiful and in love, didn't they?

The supporting law-enforcement characters are even more laughable, as they take cues from the screenwriter on what to suspect and then die in the most bizarre ways imaginable. The Hitcher is simply too funny a film to have all those guns blasting and heads being blown off. The movies loses respectability as every next unbelievable minute passes. Unless the movie was believable and maybe the moral of the story is that New Mexico state policemen are pin-heads.

What's truly scary about The Hitcher is not that director Dave Meyers managed to make a truly horrifying concept cheesy and buffoonish. What really amazes me is that Eric Bernt and Jake Wade Wall actually got paid for penning this awful script, (remade from Eric Red's 1986 screenplay) and that they have the cojones to use their real names in place of an Alan Smithee byline.

The most idiotic moment in the script comes in the closing moments of the film. The Hitcher manages to disappoint its audience on multiple levels: in plausibility, in restitution, and most unforgivably for a cheesy horror flick, in self-conscious irony. By the time the final words "I don't feel anything," are spoken to the hitcher, we are inclined to agree. Grade: D-