Everything comes to he who waits...and then never seems to end. That was the sentiment as Martin Scorsese finally won his first Oscar after a lifetime of coming in second place. This might have made for a much happier ending if the 79th Annual Academy Awards ceremony didn't drag on and on for a long, uncomfortable extra hour. Why the drag? Was it because of some long, tearful acceptance speeches? Well no, most of those were cut short as usual. What really mattered this year were film montages and some glorified shadow puppets, implying that the Academy has finally admitted their preference for style over substance--something we've known all along, from the last decade of disappointing Best Picture winners.

Ellen Degeneres hosted the event and brought her usual rambling whims to a prestigious show more concerned with superficial beauty than true heart. Degeneres' routine, while hardly groundbreaking, was boldly personal as she pleasantly harassed powerhouses Steven Spielberg, Clint Eastwood and Martin Scorsese as if she were filming episode #1002 of her day time talk show. Ellen did not bring the confidence of scene-stealers Jerry Seinfeld or Will Ferrell to the stage, but that's never been her shtick. Ellen came across as your jittery Aunt Edna, pep-talking you through a nerve-wracking event while taking the time to mock your suit. In her mind and in the eyes of her fans, she performed perfectly; for the cinema world's tastes she was possibly too unpolished. We'll know for sure next year if she's invited back.

When it came time to hand out Oscars, the Academy tried to bring some predictability to a suspenseful show in which there were no clear front runners. Every nominated film got something, from Letters From Iwo Jima winning Best Sound Effects Editing to Little Miss Sunshine winning Best Supporting Actor and Best Original Screenplay to Dreamgirls winning Best Supporting Actress and Best Sound Mixing. Pan's Labyrinth peaked early on, winning three technical awards but then stalled in the Foreign Language Film category. Meanwhile The Departed kept picking up its share of predicted wins, as Babel tanked with just an Best Original Score category. By the time The Departed won the Best Editing category (usually a sign of bigger things to come) the general feeling was that this would be a Scorsese Appreciation Night--and it was long over due. It was all the more fitting that Coppola, Spielberg and Lucas presented Marty his Oscar, as the four directors all grew up together behind the camera in the pivotal decade of the 1970's.

There were no truly moving acceptance speeches from actors this year, though the long show may have zapped the life out of those in attendance. Scorsese gave the best acceptance speech, rambling in cute Ellen-like fashion, and displaying his characteristic humility in a year that was destined to be his since late 2006 when The Departed became a commercial hit and appeared (at least at #3) on every critic's list of the year's best.

Winners

Best Picture: The Departed (Not the best picture of the year but a safe winner that would keep most people happy)

Best Director: Martin Scorsese, The Departed (Hard to believe it's taken him this long. Only a minimal amount of brains blown out in this picture, so you know he was aiming high)

Best Adapted Screenplay: William Monahan (It was either him or Borat, folks)

Best Original Screenplay: The Full Monty. (Er, I mean Little Miss Sunshine. I can't remember the last time such a small, film-student quality project aimed so high and was rewarded for ambition alone)

Best Actor: Forrest Whitaker, The Last King Of Scotland. (Poor Peter O'Toole! Er...there's always next year?)

Best Actress: Helen Mirren, The Queen. (Best acting of the night: Helen Mirren seeming surprised and honored when the whole world knew she owned this award)

Best Supporting Actor: Alan Arkin, Little Miss Sunshine. (Eddie Murphy fell victim to the Saturday Night Live curse. No SNL comedian has ever won. On the other hand...)

Best Supporting Actress: Jennifer Hudson, Dreamgirls. (Jennifer Hudson wins an Oscar despite having no acting experience and despite giving a so-so performance that consisted mainly of singing. This win can prove anyone of four points: (1) The Academy hated Dreamgirls and threw it one consolation bone. (2) The Academy hates Eddie Murphy and/or all SNL performers who can easily out-act the distinguished members of the Academy, who had to actually pay for acting lessons. (3) God, whom Jennifer thanked in her tearful acceptance speech, watches American Idol and hates Simon Cowell. (4) American Idol has just made Hollywood its bitch.

Other Awards

Best Cinematography: El Laberinto del Fauno
Best Editing: The Departed
Best Art Direction: El Laberinto del Fauno
Best Costume Design: Marie Antoinette
Best Original Score: Gustavo Santaolalla, Babel
Best Original Song: Melissa Etheridge, "I Need To Wake Up".
Best Makeup: El Laberinto del Fauno
Best Sound: Dreamgirls
Best Sound Editing: Letters From Iwo Jima
Best Visual Effects: Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
Best Animated Film: Happy Feet
Best Foreign Film: Das Leben der Anderen, Germany
Best Documentary Feature: An Inconvenient Truth
Best Documentary Short: The Blood of Yingzhou District
Best Animated Short: The Danish Poet
Best Live Action Short: West Bank Story

My Categories

Best Win: The Departed for Best Picture. A lone sympathy win for Best Director just wouldn't cut it this year. If not Letters From Iwo Jima, this was the best choice.

Worst Win: Little Miss Sunshine for Original Screenplay. This once prestigious category has fallen a long way since 1994's Pulp Fiction.

Worst Snub: 2006's best film Letters From Iwo Jima loses in all but one category.

Best Moment Of The Night: Ellen Degeneres gets a photo of Clint for You Tube. This is a bit only she could ever get away with.

Worst Moment Of The Night: Clint Eastwood's bumbling of Ennio Morricone's tribute. Yep, should have worn your glasses, Clint.

Best Performance: Al Gore as himself, as self-deprecating as always.

Worst Performance: The Voice-Over announcer. Not only did she get her facts wrong (Infernal Affairs was first made in Japan, huh?) she also patronized the (live) audience with some out-of-place witticisms as "Martin Scorsese says this was his first movie to have a plot." He was kidding, you dim bulb.

Advice for next year: keep up the good work of keeping the winners unpredictable, continue to choose unique comedians like Ellen Degeneres, and for God's sakes, cut those time-consuming film montages, which only remind the audience of better Oscar-winning movies of yesteryear.