There's not much you can say about the 80th Annual Academy Awards show--in the spirit of "If you can't something nice..." Therefore, it bears repeating to add insult to injury. After all, it is only appropriate for an awards show that tactlessly left out two deceased actors out of the dead star montage because apparently, neither their life nor death merited an Oscar tribute. The Client star Brad Renfro and Jaws star Roy Scheider were both snubbed in the tribute for what the Academy swears was because of time regulations. Sure, they couldn't spare two seconds for non-Academy members, but they sure had plenty of time for Oscar's "binocular and periscope tribute." (Oh thank God the writers are back) It's good to know that Heath Ledger's death was Oscar-caliber--though one could argue it was just heavily promoted by the studio.

Nevertheless, the Oscars are expected to be tactless and somewhat near-sighted with their awards ceremony. After all, they seem to hire the most inappropriate host year after year, culminating in The Daily Show's Jon Stewart, a man too Letterman-esque in his sarcasm to truly put the crowd at ease. Who's next year, Academy? Bobcat Goldthwait? Don't bother calling Whoopi Goldberg since you intentionally left her off the great hosts tribute (yes, yet another tribute, proving that at least the "B" show that producer Gil Cates was planning in case of the strike didn't go to waste). Let me take a wild guess: why don't you ask Steve Carrell to host next year? That way he can bring his overcompensating shtick to the awards show and make everyone wince in awkwardness in true Michael Scott-like fashion. It would work on so many levels.

Looking past the awful night of entertainment, let's try to be Obama about this and focus on the positive: the award winners. There were a few surprises sprinkled in between the predictable game outcome. No Country For Old Men won, but just barely, taking home only four awards and losing two of the minor awards that would indicate a sweep: Film Editing and Cinematography. (A rarity that the Best Picture winner doesn't match the Film Editing winner) Joel and Ethan Coen actually appeared to be the coolest guys of the night, brushing off the attention and avoiding the tearful Oscar acceptance speech, as the whole event seemed well beneath them. Ethan said nothing at all for his Best Adapted Screenplay win and then added nothing later on after winning Best Director. Stage fright or satirical commentary on the writer's strike? Either way, it summed up the theme of the night: nothing.

There were some notable upsets to be sure. Most surprising was Michael Clayton's Tilda Swinton, who won Best Supporting Actress. I was also surprised to see The Bourne Ultimatum wipe out all of its competition, including this year's Best Picture winner No Country For Old Men, in three minor awards. (Awards it didn't especially deserve) My Oscar ballot was comparable to the Academy Award show's ratings, since I had an all time low win-loss record of 10-14. The Academy Awards telecast did receive its lowest rating in decades--and according to preliminary reports, possibly the lowest in the history of Oscar. Who is to blame?

Was it because of the dark nature of this year's nominees? Movies that featured murderers, greedy lowlifes, corrupt businessmen, bratty preteens and horny teenagers? Unfortunately, 2007's nominees are not the problem here. In terms of quality 2007 was a great year for movies. The reason for the record low was probably because mainstream America had not seen any of the nominees--and in fact, wouldn't care to see any of the major nominees. I found it amusing to hear that the women on The View talk show stated that the Academy is alienating moviegoers with their independent tastes. On the contrary, I find that the Academy votes a safe middle, steering neither too far towards the critics choice or the crowd pleasers.

Actually, if America's moviegoers were allowed to choose the Academy Award winners, based on the top grosses of the year, the results would be painful.

Best Picture: Spiderman 3
Best Director: Michael Bay, Transformers
Best Actor: Daniel Radcliffe, Harry Potter and The Order of the Phoenix
Best Actress: Cameron Diaz, Shrek 3
Best Adapted Screenplay: Alvin and the Chipmunks
Best Original Screenplay: Wild Hogs
Best Animated Feature: Ratatouille (Hey now! A match!)

Now that I think about it, that train wreck of a show might be just as entertaining as the Razzie Awards. And something tells me the ratings would double. The moral of the story? Writers or no writers, show or no show, ratings or no ratings, actors dead or just excluded from memoriam, the show must go on. And there's nothing we can do to stop this soulless Hollywood world.

And then I woke up.