Raymond Alkaline Fermont, Ph.D reviews "Expelled: No Intelligence". This rather generic review seems to have a recurring message concerning Ben Stein, Christianity and the fact of evolution.

Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed is a fitting name for a movie that is stupid. In fact, anyone that believes in creationism is stupid and does not know anything about science. Apparently, this long list of stupid people includes B-level celebrity Ben Stein, who we remind you, was a former speech writer of Richard Nixon. This means that Ben Stein is evil as well as a stupid creationist. There is no intelligent bashing of God or Christianity in this film, nor is there any attention given to the fictitious belief in Jesus Christ, who as science states, did father children and was "just a man" (as Mary Magdalene once sang).

Ben Stein, who begat this documentary and ripped off Michael Moore who invented the genre of "entertaining documentary", intended it to be a commentary on how educators, government and right-wing crackpots are fighting over the right to teach both evolution and creationism (a.k.a stupidity) in schools. Just because all American citizens have the right to "free speech" does not mean that stupidity should pose as authoritative statement. As a scientist, and an evolutionist (and now apparently a movie critic for major news outlets, as my science degree has instantly qualified me) I do admit that creationism (a.k.a. flying spaghetti monster, science-fiction, fanatical cult entertainment) does have the right to be mentioned in America, so as long as it is labeled "fiction" or so as long as crazy church ladies are spewing Christian hate on the Internet along with this pseudo-doctrine.

The fact of the matter is that classrooms today teach what is universally regarded as fact, or in some cases, what is known as revisionist history. Nevertheless, revisionist history is still history; it is just history re-imagined more positively. (And positive thinking is always a good thing) But back to the point: while we scientists do condone this belief in Harvey (er, we mean God) we believe that it should be rightfully identified as schizophrenia. Remember that film A Beautiful Mind starring Russell Crowe? That man suffered from hallucinations, but it didn't make his scientific mind any less beautiful.

Unfortunately, Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed dares to preach creationism in the same dogmatic manner that evolution is taught. Worse yet, Ben Stein and director Nathan Frankowski (who lacks a scientific degree) are suggesting that religious persons have been persecuted for their beliefs. The scientific community, along with the rest of liberal Hollywood, does not persecute Christians for their strange beliefs in an almighty Galactus-like being. We enjoyed Cloverfield just the same as The Passion of the Christ and The Spiderwick Chronicles, all very imaginative films.

However, people should realize that though Christians are commonly mocked by mainstream filmmaking, (while all other non-American religions are demonized as terrorist-producing fanaticism) and their ideologies of "God and "Christ" and "the bible" are regularly debunked by the scientific community, we have never treated them unfairly. They are not like us, but still deserve the right to believe their own kooky teachings--so as long as they don't take multiple wives for themselves like those Texas Mormons.

I will also focus my criticism on Ben Stein. While I did enjoy him on Win Ben Stein's Money in which this character-actor perfectly captured the essence of a know-it-all Republican, I no longer find him entertaining, interesting or even intelligent after hearing that he rejects the most popular teachings of evolution.

Let me explain this one more time so that even a Christian (who believes in God, Jesus and The Uncanny X-Men) can understand it: Evolution is not a theory. It is a fact. Science has observed the fact of evolution in historical records and in live specimens that have evolved based on individual circumstance. Because evolution does happen, this also means that all of our so called "half-cooked" theories regarding how man evolved from monkeys and life accidentally occurred from a big bang, are also to be considered facts. How does a scientific theory become a fact? I'd say if three popular scientists (with recognized credentials) back the theory then it officially becomes fact. Anyone who argues with today's established facts is just stupid and does not deserve to make a documentary.

Like Ben Stein. Come to think of it, I never did enjoy Ben Stein, his personality, his glasses or his voice. He also lacks abilities as a filmmaker. He shoots his documentary haphazardly. He is bad filmmaker and has not learned anything in his 63 years of worthless life. He rants and raves a bunch of intellectual garble that sounds nothing like science. In fact, he reminded me of Eli Sunday from There Will Be Blood, a much better film about religion and the real world. Stein poorly researches facts, talks about strange and inexplicable things, and treats his interview subjects very poorly. Sort of like Michael Moore, whom we also dislike and not just because he's a practicing Catholic.

I don't think Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed should be banned, just as I don't think creationism should be banned. The belief in God is the right of every man, just as some people have built a church of Star Trek, or of Tolkien or of L. Ron Hubbard. However, the idea that the theory of creationism should be taught to children is absurd and dangerous. We in the scientific community would much prefer that children grow up having no faith, having no idea why we're all here, and that they should procreate freely, just like their homininan ancestors. In fact, I would suggest that creationism not be taught to any person unless they are of legal age, at least 21, so that they can see the inanity of God and religion and then make their own decision. After all, religion makes people hallucinate just about as much as alcohol or marijuana does.

Thus I don't think Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed should be banned but simply ignored. This film should be ex-communicated by all intelligent humanity and should not be allowed to make a profit. It should be stored in the vault with such other propaganda travesties as The Birth of a Nation and Triumph of the Will. I say we intellectuals expel Ben Stein for further poisoning the minds of humanity with this godly filth. I hope the next religious documentary comes out is written by Judd Apatow. Now at least that guy is funny and never tries to make a statement about anything.

Raymond Alkaline Fermont, Ph.D., is the director of the Center for Eugenics at ******* University.