How does this MPR guy know he's getting old? He'd never even heard of "skins parties," the wacky new fad among British teenagers. (American teens or elsewhere worldwide, if you read this and you know better, please educate this fuddy-duddy.

In fact, this writer definitely far enough on the wrong side of 30 to have to find out about this bacchanalian behavior the same way so many learn so much information they'd otherwise live just as happily without: surfing.

While intrepidly seeking out the odd and fascinating, MPR stumbled upon a gem called "Worthing party girl stays away from trashed home." British tabloids have been employing infinitely marketable headlines involving the phrase "party girl" for approximately 236 years now, and amazing too is the two words' continuing attractiveness through generations.

Generation YouTuber Gemma Johnson, 15, somehow allowed a party at which three people were to be permitted for a "sleepover." Well, 'tweren't much sleepin' goin' on over there, what with the skins party, helpfully defined by Wikipedia as ... well, believe it or not, it's not defined by Wikipedia.

However, the apparently much hipper UrbanDictionary.com has skins parties down as "A party inspired by the British E4 Drama, "Skins." These parties usually involve large amounts of drugs, alcohol, sex and loud music. After the skins party, the guests usually wake up in somebody elses house/garden completely disorientated, naked and covered in puke/piss/blood."

An even better idea can be had at - you guessed it - SkinsParty.com.

Right, then.

The Argus colorfully describes the aftermath of Gemma's carnage as with "Youths left graffiti 'tags' in some of the bedrooms. ... Drugs were found littered throughout the five-bedroom property as well as beer cans and empty bottles of spirits. ... A new £600 fridge had patterns scratched into it with a knife and Mrs Anscomb's eight-year- old daughter's room was destroyed, the canopy ripped off her bed and underwear found beneath the covers."

Even better: "Revellers claimed the party turned into a 'cross between a Hell's Angels knees-up and a Roman orgy' with guests taking ecstasy, cocaine and marijuana." (With a fair amount of youthful pride, too, bets MPR...)
Oh, and by the way, Gemma's mother Mrs. Anscomb "lies awake at night in disgust at the thought of partying teenagers romping in her marital bed."

Speaking of said marital bed, Gemma's been hiding out with her father since the party in January, her continued absence the newsy bit of this story.

Gemma's quote, reportedly posted on Bebo: "[the party] went wrong but it was well good. I mean it was f---ing good."

Just one more of many other examples can be found in the pages of the good old Daily Mail of late April, in the tale of the "MySpace party from hell," reportedly jumpstarted with a message inviting all to a "trash the average, family-sized house disco party."

This "average, family-sized house" was valued at some £230,000 but is worth at least £25,000 less now after "More than 200 young people from as far afield as London and Liverpool converged on the detached house in a respectable cul de sac in Houghton-le-Spring and destroyed it after seven hours of drink- and drug-fuelled mayhem."

MPR asks that, before passing judgment on either party, however, one consider the visual evidence. Again, here's a sample from young Gemma's home life; here's a skins party.

Any questions?