Senator Barack Obama enters Clinton for President 2008 campaign headquarters.

Sen. Barack Obama: Hello, I wish to register a complaint.

Sen. Hillary Clinton: Can't talk now - onto a stop at a barbecue lunch - or whatever they eat - in South Dakota! Gotta keep stumping for those votes!

Sen. Barack Obama: Hillary, I'm going to crush you in the South Dakota primary, so never mind that. I wish to complain about this campaign.

Sen. Hillary Clinton: Oh yes, my, uh, run for the presidency ... I'm still ahead in the popular vote, you know ... Um, what's wrong with the campaign?

Sen. Barack Obama: I'll tell you what's wrong with it. It's dead, that's what's wrong with it!

Sen. Hillary Clinton: No, no, the Clinton for President campaign has just hit a dry patch. We always fare worse in the smaller states. On my website, HillaryClinton.com, I have -

Sen. Barack Obama: Look, Hillary, I know a dead campaign when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.

Sen. Hillary Clinton: No, no, it's not dead, it's, it's restin'! It's been an amazing campaign, hasn't it? More voters in primaries than ever before!

Sen. Barack Obama: The voters don't enter into it. Your campaign's stone dead.

Sen. Hillary Clinton: No, no, no, no, no, no! It's resting!

Sen. Barack Obama: All right then, if it's resting, I'll wake it up! Hello, Hillary for President! I've got a lovely little flip-flop on Reverend Wright for you!

Sen. Hillary Clinton: There, see, I got a spike in votes!

Sen. Barack Obama: You did not - that was pollsters making disproportionate visits to senior citizens' homes.

Sen. Hillary Clinton: I never!

Sen. Barack Obama: Yes, you did!

Sen. Hillary Clinton: I never, never did anything ... actually, maybe that was the problem...

Sen. Barack Obama: (yelling in an effort to rouse the campaign) Hello, Voters!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! I will negotiate with terrorists! (Sen. Obama rapidly dons a kaffiyeh and sunglasses and dances) HELLOOOOO!!!! I have no serious environmental policy and I will probably raise taxes for the middle class! Are you still taking solace in guns!!!! Hello!!!! Now that's what I call a dead campaign.

Sen. Hillary Clinton: No, no, the voters are ... regrouping?

Sen. Barack Obama: REGROUPING?!?

Sen. Hillary Clinton: Yeah! With all the negative press I've been getting and blatant favoritism from the media for you, they don't know which way to turn. America has never seen a campaign this long, you know.

Sen. Barack Obama: Now look, I've definitely had enough of this. Your campaign is definitely deceased, and when I beat you in New Hampshire in the early part of this year, you called it a temporary setback.

Sen. Hillary Clinton: Well, the voters're ... they're, um ... pining for the fjords...?

Sen. Barack Obama: "Pining for the fjords?" What kind of talk is that? Look, I've had a lead in delegates since this campaign began.

Sen. Hillary Clinton: Clinton for President 2008 prefers campaigning from behind. We're the comeback kids, after all. It's been an amazing campaign, hasn't it? More voters in primaries than ever before!

Sen. Barack Obama: Look, polling in Montana shows that your campaign will essentially be handcuffed come convention time.

Sen. Hillary Clinton: Well, of course, they'll have to be handcuffed! If they aren't, they would whip the entire convention and then VOOM! Feeweeweewee! Into the White House!

Sen. Barack Obama: "VOOM"?!? Hillary, your campaign wouldn't voom if you put four million volts through it! It's bleedin' demised!

Sen. Hillary Clinton: No, no! It's pining!

Sen. Barack Obama: It's not pining! It's passed on! This campaign is no more! It has ceased to be! It's expired and gone to meet it's maker! It's a stiff! Bereft of life, it rests in peace! It's metabolic processes are now history! It's off the twig! It's kicked the bucket, It's shuffled off its mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleeding choir invisible! This is an ex-campaign.

(pause)

Sen. Hillary Clinton: Well, I'm still not giving up.

(16-ton weight drops from ceiling onto Sen. Clinton. Applause.)

All apologies to Monty, Python and the Flying Circuses. Cue theme music and now ...

THE END